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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, which I admire. However, she has been often caught off guard in relationships. Her partner left her, which came as an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances drifted away then, since they had been focused solely on her husband. This surprised her. She made greater energy to be my friend, likely grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many of her friends have drifted apart without her being sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both left the workforce and are seeing each other more, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I start discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She has been organizing a trip to a country I know well repeatedly and resided in for a while. My intention was to provide insights, however, my input met with resistance. She really solely sought validation of her choices. I've just returned from 30 days there she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out demands strength and readiness from both people.

Experts suggest using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. The second is to express her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. Emotions are valid, of course. Finally is to question how you are both going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be successful to encourage better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person may dismiss everything, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they cannot release as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might initially present like this before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides satisfaction from having been honest with her.